So I’ll book a ticket on “Delta Airlines”, and I’ll show up at the airport, and I go, “Can I get on the plane now, please?” And they go, “No! It’s delayed nine hours! (spits)” And I go, “Okay!” and then I go to the bathroom. And then I come out of the bathroom and I go, “Any updates?” And they go, “Yeah! We took off while you were in the bathroom, because we hate you! But take this meal voucher that doesn’t work! Go, fetch!” And I go, “Okay!” And I go over to the Wolfgang Puck Express, and I go, “Can I have a sandwich please?” And they go, “NO!” And I go, “Okay!” and they go, “You’re a little fat girl, aren’t you?” And I go, “No…”, and they go, “Say it!” and I go, “I’m a little fat girl!” And then I go over to the Delta Help Desk, which is an oxymoron, and I go, “Can I please go home on an airplane?” And they go, “No! In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder! And you’re gonna go to jail for thirty years!” And I go, “Why are you doing this to me?” And they go, “(sings) Because we’re Delta Airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare!”

From his comedy special New in Town, which is amazing.

Also, happy four-hundredth post.

-All

#nowplaying- Gotye, hopefully soon.
#nowwatching- this.
#nowreading- textbooks.
#mood- awesome, a little stressed out.