Schizoid Personality Disorder?
So, while researching schizophrenia for my screenplay-thing (still haven’t decided on a name), I came across this schizoid personality disorder on Wikipedia, and found that it described me fairly well.
(Okay, this is self-diagnosed. Actually, I don’t even know if it’s a diagnosis yet. I just think I could be schizoid. I definitely relate to some of its “symptoms”.)
According to DSM-IV’s guidelines, I just barely make it, only four out of the seven guidelines. Four or more are required. According to ICD-10′s guidelines, though, I’m pretty schizoid. I relate to seven out of the nine guidelines, when three are required.
The various guidelines that describe me:
(2) almost always chooses solitary activities (DSM-IV)
(3) has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person (DSM-IV)
(6) appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others (DSM-IV)
(7) shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity (DSM-IV)
(b) emotional coldness, detachment or flattened affectivity; (ICD-10)
(c) limited capacity to express either warm, tender feelings or anger towards others; (ICD-10)
(d) apparent indifference to either praise or criticism; (ICD-10)
(e) little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking into account age); (ICD-10)
(f) almost invariable preference for solitary activities; (ICD-10)
(g) excessive preoccupation with fantasy and introspection; (ICD-10)
(i) marked insensitivity to prevailing social norms and conventions. (ICD-10)
So that’s it. That describes my orientation/identity thing. I honestly thought I could be trans, but just thinking about “being” with someone else, even after I was “fixed”–it terrifies me. Not because of the pressure, or whatever, but because it’s just wrong. Like, me physically, I don’t exist. The real me, the true me, is mental, all in my head, and I think this schizoid thing describes that pretty well. I’ve always said that I’m probably asexual, and here is the explanation (I think). Obviously I don’t know. I know this describes me pretty well, but I also know that I’m awkward and weird and I have a million (exaggeration) other disorders, so many that they all overlap one another, so adding another to the mix should be wrong, or difficult, but instead it’s kind of like…yes. This is me, I think.
It’s interesting that I found this now, because the last few weeks, we’ve talked about me being other things, not trans, and here is the answer. Asexual, or no interest, or whatever you want to call it. I just do not want to be with someone like that. I don’t even want to be in a relationship. Eww, no. I like being alone. I have my friends (much thanks to Jess. Seriously, dude. Seriously) and they’re there when I need them, but otherwise I do my own thing.
Anyway, I’m rambling. I just found this and thought it was- well, me. This week I’ll talk to my counselor about it, see what she thinks.
This is really exciting.
-All
